


epilogues

by towfriends



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:37:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6758068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towfriends/pseuds/towfriends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>may 2004 to ∞</p>
            </blockquote>





	epilogues

may 9, 2004

Rachel hasn't slept properly since she got off the plane. Everything is still fresh in her mind. The pain of saying goodbye to the five people she cared most about in this world. The hurt reflected in Ross's eyes as she tried to pull away to what she thought was best. The moment her heart drops when she realizes she didn't want to go at all. The rush of running. From the plane, to the cab, to his apartment, tears in both of their eyes, hands reaching for each other, vowing to never let go again. The harsh notice that change is still afoot - as two of their best friends continue to move two hours away from everyone. Westchester is no Paris, of course, but Westchester is also no West Village. And most of all, the crippling doubt that has been planted the moment Mark Robinson offered the job.

Ten years ago, she ran away from a life of luxury and things given to her without question. She decided that she would do everything for herself, through then-foreign concepts like hard work and determination. In that span, she went from a waitress to a fashion executive. She will not deny the help getting her foot through the door, no doubt about that. But it was still up to her to stay inside. And at this point, ten years later, she believes that she is already capable of standing on her own. Which is why she can't really feel right about the Paris job. It reminds her of the Barry wedding. The prospect is amazing and the opportunity is handed to her on a silver plate. However, it is the very thing she has been avoiding for a decade. If she were going to get something as big as Paris - she will get it in her own terms, in her own time. One that will feel just right as the moment she walked into Central Perk in a bridal dress.

She lifts her head up from the comfortable nook between his neck and shoulder. Seeing him like this always kept her calm. Nose buried in her hair, arms holding her tight, lips pouted, eyes peacefully closed. People, him included, always say that Emma is her spitting image. But in these little mannerisms, she sees the similarities between father and daughter. Said daughter is sleeping just as soundly in her (and her brother's) room, feeling right at home.

Two years ago, she was the one worried about being left alone with a child. It was almost too late for her to see that she was the one putting Ross in her dreaded situation. Ross, who couldn't and wouldn't move to England because of Ben, who didn't even live with him all the time. Ross used to tell her it was the proximity that was going to completely destroy the time he had with the boy. And she nearly did the same to Emma, who always looks happy to be around her father. And then there's herself.

When she tried to accept the job, she knew that she was going to say goodbye to Ross, even more so than the rest. The impending confrontation was too much for her to bear, and she wanted to avoid it as much as she could. She emptied out her tears for Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe, thinking she'll end up with nothing to give to him. Nothing to say. She will be empty. And she did try to be. That pat on his shoulder was already electric and she felt her eyes welling up again. She thought that was it. But she was right. It was never off the table for them, it'll never be off the table for them, and just because it hasn't happened for them in a while doesn't mean it never could. A part of her knew she was going to stay the moment she stepped into his apartment - she just needed a pull. His pull, in particular.

And so, here they are. Starting over again. This is it, as she said. A brand new, brave new world.

"Rach?" Ross mumbles softly.

"Hmmm?" she replies with a smile.

"Happy Mother's Day."

She sleeps a good eight hours after that.

may 11, 2004

"I can't say I'm not disappointed, Rachel. Especially since your ex is in the question. It is Paris, after all. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

Rachel is pretty sure she has heard some variation of all four statements from her parents before 1994. And the more Mark rambled on, the more she feels secure about her decision. It is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that she'll get in her own time, through her own work. She is confident that, not if but when, she will take a job like Paris, she wouldn't have to hear anything from anyone - for it'll be her own doing. Like this morning. With just her head hunter's lead, she was able to score an interview with Calvin Klein. She'll be starting next week.

"I can see you're very happy, though. You're prettier than usual," he continues.

"I am," Rachel chirps. "We are. Two weeks ago was very stressful. It wasn't even okay. Like, when you're going to Paris, you're supposed to feel good, but I was the exact opposite. It's been great just spending all of my time with Emma, who's really more at home here than anywhere. I know, she's a baby, but as her mother, I see the difference between the day we were supposed to leave and now. And of course, there's Ross - who is not my ex, by the way."

For the truth is, she doesn't know what to call her and Ross. They never really had to talk about it, since to the people that matter most to them, there is no need for an explanation. After everything they've been through, 'boyfriend' seems too juvenile, 'friend' is not enough, and 'father of my child' seems too formal. To her, he's Ross. He's hers, she's his. They love each other, they're each other's lobsters (as Phoebe would say), and that's all that really matters to her right now. She smiles as she remembers last night. Good thing her scarf goes well with the weather.

"So have you found another job?" Mark finally changes the subject.

"Yes, yes I have," she replies with pride.

This is what was missing from the once-in-a-lifetime Paris job. This is what she felt when Gucci wanted her. A sense of credit. She still can't believe how well that interview went. It was in the office, so no former bosses to interrupt. She got over her nerves enough to show her portfolio, which she has been building up for a while now. But a part of her mind is still in Ross's lips on her neck.

"You're blushing," he says.

"This is what it looks like when it feels right."

may 13, 2004

She sees a reflection of a family through every glass window they pass by on their way to Central Park. She is pushing Emma in the stroller, Ross has his arm around her waist, and Ben is holding his father's other hand. He is wearing a pink shirt with a dinosaur on it. Rachel then remembers this picture of Ross and Monica at her ninth birthday party. Ben is also turning nine. Technically, he turned nine two days before. But it has always been tradition for Ben to spend his actual birthday with his mothers, and then Ross would get him after. She admires everyone's progress with the whole situation. A situation that now includes her for good. 

Ben's face brightens up when they reach the Alice in Wonderland statue. He's currently reading the book way before his classmates have, he explains. Ross gets Emma out of the stroller and eases her onto the steps. Ben helps him out by taking his sister's other hand. Rachel always loves seeing Ross with Ben and Emma. She recalls the first time the siblings met. Emma was an infant, of course, but Ben was immediately taken. She and Ross have seen the way their interactions have changed - from very one-sided to almost actual conversation. They're both smart kids. Ross tells her to watch over both of them for a second, for he is getting Ben a surprise. She is then left alone with two enthusiastic children who are looking to drain the energy out of each other.

"Aunt Rachel?" Ben asks.

"Yeah, birthday boy?"

"You love dad, right?"

Rachel is taken aback by the bluntness of the question. She knows that Ben is aware of her and Ross's relationship. He even asked about the infamous break before Emma was born. But Ben hasn't shown any other interest in her aside from the pranks. He even mistook her for Phoebe once. But there's something earnest about the way he said it, so she owes an answer to the boy. Kids do say the most unexpected things. She clears her throat.

"Ben, I love your dad, and I'm in love with your dad. I have loved him for as long as I can remember. I loved him even when we weren't together, even more now that we are. He's one of my best friends, and we're the ones for each other. So I guess the short answer would be yes."

"Wow. I guess that's why he almost followed you and Emma to Paris."

"What?!" her voice shoots up.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Ben backpedals, but Rachel encourages him to continue. He clears his throat.

"I know I shouldn't eavesdrop, but there's a thin wall between my moms' room and mine and they were talking about dad after he dropped me off around two weeks ago. I couldn't really hear anything other than you were going to Paris with Emma and that dad was thinking of following. I understand that, since Emma's my sister too."

Before she could reply, Ross comes back with a kite. Ben brings Emma up to a part of the structure where she can sit. With that, Rachel circles her arms around Ross's neck and presses her lips to his. She'll make him explain later. It might be Ben's birthday, but it was him who gave her the gift. The gift of reassurance that she and Ross would do absolutely anything for each other. Yes, she loves him. So, so, so much.

may 15, 2004

It is a Saturday night and she is at home, getting ready for bed. Mere months ago, a Saturday night would mean the six of them hanging around the coffee house until even Gunther can't take it anymore and has to shout last call. Or it could mean a fantastic dinner by Monica. Or pizza night at Joey's. Or work. Which is where Ross is. Which is where she will be next week. She cannot wait to start working. She also can't wait for Ross to come home. Emma is already fast asleep. But then again, it is ten in the evening. She sighs when she hears the front door open and close. Maybe she should've thrown the question in front of the kids. But that would be being a child, herself.

"Rachel?"

She keeps quiet and stares at her reflection in the mirror. She wants to smile, but there is an elephant in the room. They haven't talked much since Ben's birthday. He was called to the university the moment they dropped Ben off at Carol and Susan's, and he has been working non-stop ever since. She has been waking up and going to bed without him for three nights in a row. Not tonight. Call it clingy, call it looking for an explanation. They have to talk before the end of this week. Before they both start coming home to beds without each other. She looks down at the sink. She can't stomach the thought. They are done being stupid. Which is why she has to get over this.

She lets him come in their bathroom. He approaches her from behind, placing one hand on the counter top on her right and the other against her stomach. He places a kiss on her neck, and she looks at the mirror again. She sees a couple whose youth only grew stronger with age. She sees two people who have been in love with each other for the longest time. She sees two people who have gone through so much, and have come out together - better and as one. As they will tonight.

"Ross?"

"Yes?"

There would be no beating around the bush. "When are you gonna tell that you almost followed me to Paris?"

He breaks his lips from her shoulder and looks at her. She tears away from the mirror and stares him down.

"Who told you?" he finally answers.

"Ben," she replies.

He gulps. "I don't know where to start."

She allows herself a small smile this time, as she laces her hands with his. "Why don't you start when....when you thought I left?"

"The moment you were gone, I knew I wanted to follow. Nothing, no one could stop me. Phoebe tried. I made her take me to Carol and Susan's. I explained in a rush. Susan was puzzled at first, Carol was not. Ben was asleep, but I guess he just had his eyes closed. This wasn't like before. Not only you were going away, but Emma too. I love you so much, and I also don't want to end up being a bad father to both of my children. I was so sure I was leaving. I ran back home, ready to give my resignation through voicemail....and then I heard yours."

She has always been a crier. But when sees that his eyes are watery too, she finally lets out an audible sob. "Honey, no offense, but I didn't just get off the plane for you. The moment he offered me the job, doubt has been crippling my head. I've had enough of favors. I was already a hat, I didn't need a shoe. I didn't feel like I earned it. Paris has two fashion weeks. When I'm gonna be there, I want it to be because of me. But you? You've been working hard all this time. We make fun of you a lot, but we know you worked hard for that PhD, for the museum, for your tenure. I just....my career is not more important than yours. We're a team now."

There. She hasn't realized that she has been keeping these sentiments to herself until she is able to breathe out and Ross is holding her tighter. She takes his hand from the counter top and presses her lips to it. It isn't enough, so she turns around. At instinct, his hands shift to her waist, and hers lock around his neck. Their lips meet in a heated kiss; their breaths mingling with hot, salty tears. Since getting off the plane, it has always been gentle. Not tonight. She has missed this intensity. Catharsis. Relief. But she still has to say something.

"I know you'd do anything for me Ross, but that doesn't mean that I'd want you to."

may 22, 2004

She cannot believe that it has been more than two weeks since the six of them were together. She cannot believe that it has been that easy for them to not see each other in those two weeks. Time has flew by so fast, but it isn't just for her. Monica has insisted that nobody visit until the house is completely furnished, and Chandler has begrudgingly agreed. Phoebe has just gotten back from a trip with Mike. Joey has been slowly and happily getting a bigger role on Days of Our Lives. And she and Ross are caught up on Emma, work, and each other. But now that they are complete once again, it feels like nothing has changed at all. Monica is still in the kitchen, and Ross and Phoebe are the only ones allowed to help. Chandler is giving Joey a tour of his finished room, and she is in her favorite area of the house - the twins' room. She and Emma are playing with blocks when she hears Monica's signature dinner call.

"I would like to call for a toast!" Monica exclaims as she clinked a spoon with her champagne flute. The five of them raise their glasses. New York take out is great, Ross's cooking even better, but Monica would always take the cake by a mile, as she should. She thinks the whole house is great, and so Monica and Chandler. Furnished in bright colors and already child-proof, in Monica fashion, she can definitely see the Geller-Bings growing old here. Mike generously volunteered to switch with her in the kids' room. He says it's for practice, but they all know how much he respects their friendship.

"It feels like forever since we have seen each other, and I know, its my fault, but I guess time has done good for us. I mean, we all have something to celebrate! Have you seen this house? I did a good job, didn't I? And Chandler too, of course." They all laugh at this.

"Don't forget your children, Geller," Chandler quips, but Monica replies with, "Which Geller?" which makes Ross shake his head.

"Oh, oh, Mike and I have been trying for a baby!" Phoebe butts in.

"Plus my Soapy nomination!" Joey says over a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"And my new job that I got all to myself!" Rachel contributes happily. Her first week at work has been fantastic. She still cannot believe at how smooth her interview went, and yet she is already adjusting well to her new workplace. A part of her still feels like a fish out of water, but the fact that her boss has already handed some clients over make her more confident to take on more responsibilities. Some of her co-workers are mothers as well, so she has also been getting a handful of tips on how to balance work and home, which will be very handy as Emma grows up. She wants to say so much more, but this is about the six of them. So she just holds Ross's hand under the table, hoping he will say it for her. Their smiles meet.

"This month's been a rollercoaster, but I'm glad all of us went along for the ride."

"Cheers!" everyone else echoes. Chandler takes a picture, and then passes the camera around. It's a different place, but she looks at everybody's happy faces and it already feels like home. Some things change, some things stay the same.

may 25, 2004

She hasn't talked to him the whole way home, and vice versa. Emma tried to make her own form of conversation in the cab ride, but eventually fell asleep. In her young age, she could probably sense something is wrong with her parents trying to make small talk. And after they've tucked her in, and they're in their own room, Rachel knows the inevitable is about to happen.

"I don't understand what's the big deal, Ross." His face crumples into frustration, and she bites her bottom lip. That is the worst way to start this discussion.

"Rach, that guy was coming on to you and you weren't doing anything about it!"

"He approached because of Emma because he has a kid of his own!"

"And what happened when I arrived?"

She opens their closet to get ready for bed, her back turned against him, unable to answer straight away. Earlier that night, it was she who finished early at work so she decided to bring Emma with her to buy some groceries. Ross, still at the university, texted her that he will be there in thirty minutes. She met a stranger with his own kid, and they found themselves talking about preschools in the city. She didn't think about bringing up Ross, since she figured that the stranger is already a family man. But when Ross arrived, flowers in hand, the friendly stranger felt uncomfortable, and she couldn't speak. She looked at Ross's face in that moment, nodding his head through gritted teeth, and then focused on Emma, oblivious to it all. A reply hits her.

"If you're so touchy about it, why couldn't you introduce yourself?"

"I don't know him." Even from behind she could feel his condescending tone and she couldn't help but bite back.

"Do you even know what we are?"

"Do you?"

Her mouth drops. She can't believe he went there. Answering a question with a question. The air thickens, and she has a sudden urge to get out of the room, get some fresh air. But she will not. It turns out that the issue of identity has been looming between the both of them for a while now, and she figures it was just about time before it implodes. Tonight. She faces him again, believing that if she's going to say this, it would have to be right into his eyes.

"You know what, Ross? I don't. Because you were right. You know, during that night when I was about to leave? You are one of my best friends, we are going out, we have a baby. So, I apologize if you were expecting me to call you my boyfriend because you're so much more to me than that! Boyfriends come and go, but you? You're for life!"

There. She has said her piece. Feeling satisfied, she sits down on her side of the bed. She is surprised to see him approach, and then kneel in front of her, his hands trying to grasp her own. She lets him.

"I'm....I'm sorry," he stammers after a few minutes, looking down at the hardwood floor. "I didn't mean for us to get this complicated."

"Honey, I don't care about the complications. Sure, we're experiencing repercussions, but it's over now. We're here, together. It has been complicated, but the one constant through it all is I love you. I love you - as a friend, lover, father of our child, as you! That's all that's mattered between us for me, so I never had to feel like I owe an explanation to anyone. Not strangers, not our parents, not our friends, and especially not you. Because I know for sure, that you would know."

"I'm sorry," he repeats, and she holds his hand tighter. Despite his tall frame, he looks like a lost puppy. "Ugh, I'm such a hypocrite. I can't explain it either. I was hoping you'd know the answer, but seeing that you didn't either made me frustrated. Because whenever someone sees the picture of you and Emma in my office, I just want to say that I'm theirs. I'm hers. I'm yours."

"I can't believe you sometimes," she says, shaking her head. "You can't just say those things and expect the problem to go away."

"I know."

They sleep that night with a dilemma unsolved, but they're not angry. At least now, she knows that they are on the same page. She cuddles herself closer to him, as if daring to do the hug and roll. Instead, he pulls her closer, and she smiles. Theirs is a relationship that can't be summed up in simple fast words. They're Ross and Rachel. They are an experience. And they will see this through.

may 27, 2004

During lunch break, she calls Monica about what happened two nights ago. She expects her to butt in from the get go, but she didn't interrupt once. She doesn't even say anything after the piece. She has to cough out to get a reply from her.

"Are you freaking kidding me, Green?"

"I'm sorry?"

"More than a friend, more than a boyfriend, not just the father of your child? Do you want me to spell it out for you?" Monica pauses, but Rachel doesn't answer. From her best friend's shrill tone to the beating of her own heart, she thinks she knows what's about to be said. "You wanna marry him!"

"Mon, I'm not your brother," she tries to joke, but it comes out of her in a choke. She feels something is stuck in her throat.

"No, you're not - you just wanna marry him."

She thinks about Ross, and her heart leaps. "But, don't you think it's too rushed?"

"Look at my perspective, Rach. You two have had this thing going on far longer than Chandler and I have been together."

"We were technically together for only a year...."

"Did the time apart make any difference? Vegas happened, you still had Emma. Both of your feelings never really went away. I mean, my traditional self would think that getting married for real is the next logical step. But then again, you and Ross have never been typical."

She smiles to herself. It's why they are in this situation in the first place. She looks back on their journey, and they have hit all relationship landmarks in a decade. Friendship, dating, marriage, baby - just not in the usual fashion. But she also can't think of anyone else to experience all those milestones with.

"You really think so?"

"Okay, pause for a second. You two are done being stupid, right?"

She closes her eyes, and she sees a cliff by the beach. She is walking towards Ross. He is wearing a simple dress shirt and pants - all in white, and she thinks he has never looked more handsome. She looks down at her hands; she is holding a bouquet of lilies. As she continues, the image clears. Joey is officiating, a pointed hat on his head. Monica and Chandler each have a baby in their arms. On Phoebe's lap is Emma in a pretty white dress. She is enthusiastically waving at her and pointing at her father. And as Rachel reaches her destination, she realizes that she's wearing the same one.

"Yeah - but what if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Rach, it's my brother we're talking about."

may 29, 2004

They arrive at the apartment around eleven in the evening. Their clothes are completely drenched and their hands are clasped tightly from the cold. It was Ross's idea - they were stuck by the cinema with people fighting over cabs left and right. All it took was one teasing look and a line about Rachel Green never wanting to get her designer digs wet, and Rachel Green herself grabbed him by the coat and they started the long walk-run back home. Past the shivers, she sees the smile on his face, she feels the adrenaline coursing through her veins, she notices their nanny's confused look. It was worth it.

Emma is already sound asleep, and according to Molly, has been since moments after they left four hours ago. Still, they give her kisses on the forehead and say their good nights. She looks at Ross for a good moment, and seeing him all disheveled gives her an idea. With a suggestive look, she saunters into their bedroom. He follows, and turns the light off.

"Ross," she says with a smile, "I need to see to get undressed."

"Let me do it for you," he whispers as he approaches her. His hands instinctively wrap around her stomach. He peppers kisses from her neck to her ear, and takes the lobe between his teeth. He pushes his hips into her ass, pressing them up against the dresser and eliciting a soft moan from her lips.

He unfastens her pants and she lets the garment fall to the floor. Even in the dark, she can see him grinning at what she is wearing underneath. He unbuttons her blouse painfully slow, and she leans back into him. She wraps her hands around his waist, connecting her hands on his lower back. They stand like this for a while, her eyes focused on what she can make of their reflection in the mirror. They always make a pretty picture. Especially now - maturity looks good on them.

She turns around to tug on his belt, and he replies with a kiss. A searing, hungry kiss. Their tongues are so far into each other's mouths that their bodies have to be closer than possible to balance themselves. His hands roam her body eagerly, finding their now comfortable way to her ass. He lifts her up and sits her on the dresser. She spreads her thighs open and he asserts himself in between. They don't stop kissing.

"Bed?" she almost pants out, as her hands clasp on the back of his neck.

"Not yet," he answers breathlessly, as he unbuttons his own shirt. She pushes the garment off his shoulders and hastily reaches for his pants. Both let out sighs of relief at the lack of excess clothing. Their lips connect again.

He picks her up and presses her against the door, effectively slamming it shut. She instinctively wraps her legs around him and she groans into his mouth as he pushes against her. The sensations are becoming too much for her to bear. The chill of the wall against their heat, the vibrations from the noises they are making between their mouths. It hasn't been this wild in a while. She watches his arms involuntarily flex while holding her. Only he can turn her on and make her feel protected at the same time. She breaks their kiss to suck on his shoulder, tasting the beads of sweat forming on his skin.

"I think...." he trails off, "....we're going to need the bed now."

He carries her across the room and throws her on the bed. He then climbs on top of her and settles his weight in between her thighs. She presses her heels into his lower back, and he moans her name in a way that other people would have to call her by some other moniker. No one else is allowed to say 'Rachel' but the man hovering above her.

He tears at her underwear in one fluid motion and tosses them....somewhere. She doesn't really know or care for her hands are busy taking off his boxers. He sinks down inside her and it takes her by surprise.

"Rachel, did that hurt?" he asks, tangling one hand with hers.

"No," she insists into his ear. "Just keep going." Her other hand reaches to grab onto his hair, tugging on his scalp. He smells and tastes so good and she never wants this to stop. But eventually, he gives way and she follows, letting him collapse into her. They don't move for what seems like forever.

"Honey?" she breaks the silence.

"Yes?"

"I wanna get married. That's where I want us to be." At this point in their journey, the question is no longer do but when or where. For the moment she got off the plane, they have decided that this is it. They will never let go again.

"The feeling is mutual, Rach." There is a pregnant pause before he asks, "When?"

"Soon."

"Okay."

He looks up from her chest to her face, and she sees herself reflected in his smiling, watery eyes. Her lips spread into a smile, and she kisses him - slowly and deeply. They've got all the time in the world.


End file.
